«Apocalypsing», taking a relationship as if it were forever

The pandemic, which seems so far away for some people, has produced trends that, to this day, still operate, such as apocalypsing. This term arose from a style of relationship that accelerates the pace of commitment at a dizzying pace..

What does it consist of? What has led people to relate in this way? Is it a danger to mental health? We are going to define this term well and understand better how it operates and what consequences it has.

What is the apocalypsing?

In essence, he apocalypsing refers to the practice of treating a relationship as if it were the last of your life. Thus, people who follow him—consciously or unconsciously—visualize strong commitments, such as getting married or having children, with someone they have just connected.

From this desire to find the “definitive” person, practices arise such as starting a relationship as a couple shortly after starting to date, planning a wedding or closing the relationship from the beginning. The intense emotions of the falling in love phase are considered long-lasting and the idealization of the process of getting to know someone is not questioned.

What has given rise to this style of relationship?

As we said before, the apocalypsing It was developed during the pandemic, a period in which many people suffered from not being able to interact in person. This, added to the catastrophic environment of the health emergency, caused various individuals to develop fear of being single in a hostile and unpredictable world.

During that time, the use of apps appointments increased significantly. Many people took the opportunity to get to know each other online, hoping that confinement would end so they could see each other face to face.

During that time, expectations grew by creating an idealization of the other and, at the same time, creating a halo of permanence.

As time goes by, and once the health emergency is over, the apocalypsing It has been consolidated as a way to establish links. The fear of loneliness remains present, since the idea of ​​unpredictability has not been completely abandoned. Therefore, many people cling to relationships as if they were going to be the last ones they have before the final catastrophe.

I’m going too fast in my relationship, am I doing apocalypsing?

As it is a term coined in popular contexts and has not yet been studied in depth in the field of research, it should be taken with caution. Moving fast in a relationship doesn’t have to be unhealthy, as long as both people are on board and building a healthy relationship. Each couple has their rhythm.

He apocalypsing It refers, rather, to a style based on fear of loneliness and a dangerous future.. It is advisable to pay attention to the following signs:

• Confusion between singleness and loneliness.
• Terror at the possibility of dying alone.
• Conception of love as eternal and almighty.
• Tendency to believe that each new partner is the ideal person.
• High level of impulsivity and tendency to emotional dependence.
• Fear of the future and that the life we ​​know will change radically overnight (or end).
• The feelings of the first phases of relationships (passion, infatuation and idealization) are taken as definitive and it is believed that they will not change.

What dangers does this way of relating entail?

As you see, it is not about meeting someone with whom you connect deeply and moving forward quickly, but rather about clinging to relationships as if they were the panacea in a possible apocalyptic scenario. Fear of loneliness, emotional dependence and irrational ideas operate here.

There are several risks involved in apocalypsing. The biggest of them is encountering disappointment characteristic of abandoning the phase of falling in love, in a compromised life situation. That is, realizing that that person is not suitable when he already lives with them or has even had children.

Furthermore, living in the illusion that you have found the perfect person is a perfect lure for abusers of any kind. It represents an open door for love bombing and to accelerate emotional dependence in the victim..

This is never the fault of the person being abused. It is important to take this into account to detect aggressors in time.

What to do if you are falling into this trend?

Do you think that your fear of the future fosters your emotional dependence? If that’s the case, You can benefit from some practices to regain control of your decisions:

• Spend more time with friends and family: It is important not to identify loneliness with the absence of a partner. You have many loved ones and their love is as valid and relevant as that of a lover.
• Make a list of what you need in a partner: At first, a potential romantic partner’s flaws are masked. It is useful to make a list of requirements and not take the next step until they are met.
• Bridge limits: Do not formalize the relationship until you have conflicts and resolve them, or do not plan a wedding until after a few years. Whatever you consider necessary to ensure that your love is solid and mature.
• Work to overcome your fears: It is normal to fear the future with a present marked by pandemics, climate change or the rise of fascist ideologies. These are, in that sense, times to grow as a person.

Identify and treat your fears

The help of a psychology professional will be useful to identify the fear of loneliness and emotional dependence, which can lead to apocalypsing or any other unhealthy tendency.

Today, and more than ever, we need to manage fear of the future and protect our mental health to establish healthy bonds with those around us.

The entry “Apocalypsing”, taking a relationship as if it were forever was published first in Psycom.Blog.

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