What is emotional self-regulation and how is it achieved?

Juan is stuck in traffic, he has barely moved 500 meters in twenty minutes. Each horn increases his anger and frustration. He feels like he’s about to explode. But in a moment of lucidity, he remembers what he talked about with his therapist. He closes his eyes, takes several deep breaths and reminds himself that he can’t control traffic. Little by little, he calms down and achieves emotional self-regulation.

This capacity, as Juan’s case demonstrates, is crucial for handle stressful situations more effectively. The process, identified by Daniel Goleman as one of the components of emotional intelligence, involves the ability to manage our emotions in challenging circumstances. Let’s delve into it.

What is emotional self-regulation?

According to Gross’s emotional regulation model, much of what we feel is due to how we react to what happens. Therefore, emotional self-regulation It involves learning to manage our emotional responses consciously to achieve greater psychological well-being.

This process includes several steps. First, we must develop emotional self-awareness; recognize what we are feeling and why. Next, we need to practice self-control, which involves regulating our impulses and avoiding destructive reactions. Thanks to this moderation we respond in a more adaptive way.

The importance of learning to manage your own emotions

Imagine that your emotions are like a volcano. If you have a good capacity for self-regulation, you are able to anticipate when it is about to erupt and even make the lava harden before dragging its entire path. Also You are aware that emotions are fleeting and do not define you as a person.

Instead, If you lack this ability, emotions can drag you down. like burning lava, wreaking havoc on your life and relationships. They take control. For example, in a fit of anger, you would say hurtful things to someone you love, or feel overwhelmed by your difficulties managing stress.

Because of this, learning to regulate your own emotions is more than important. In fact, the Mindfulness and self-regulation manual highlights how the overall quality of a person’s life is influenced by the way they self-regulate, as well as the types of goals they pursue.

On the other hand, a very common question is whether emotions can be “controlled.” The truth is that this term is perhaps a bit misleading. Trying to eliminate or completely dominate them is neither realistic nor healthy. Instead, it is more useful to learn to regulate them; accept them as a natural part of the human experience and understand how to deal with them.

Emotional self-regulation strategies with examples

Categorizing emotions as “positive” or “negative” is not convenient, since each one fulfills an adaptive function. For example, anger may help us set boundaries, while sadness allows us to process losses. So, it is better to talk about “pleasant” and “unpleasant” emotions.

Considering that each one has its reason for being, trying to eradicate them would be counterproductive. Now, emotional self-regulation allows these emotions to fulfill their purpose and be expressed in a healthy way. Below we mention some practical strategies.

1. Reconsideration (reappraisal)

The technique reappraisal It is based on reinterpreting the situation in a way that changes its emotional meaning. It’s looking at things from another angle to feel better. Let’s go back to Juan’s example:

Instead of seeing traffic jams as something terrible and a waste of time, you could reevaluate it as an opportunity to listen to your favorite music. This is not to romanticize traffic, it is undeniably a frustrating situation, but what else can Juan do, apart from finding a way to make that moment more bearable?

2. Cognitive defusion

How we think affects how we feel. That’s why, One way to regulate our emotions is to improve the relationship with thought, especially with intrusive thoughts. This is where cognitive defusion comes into play, which consists of distancing yourself from them, recognizing them as temporary events rather than permanent realities.

Imagine that you are worried about an important presentation at work. Ideas like “I won’t be able to do it well”, “everyone will judge me if I fail”, “if I do it wrong they will fire me” repeat in your mind. Don’t get attached to those thoughts, just observe them as if they were clouds passing through the sky.

Thoughts do not always reflect the truth. It is crucial to let them come and go, without identifying with them.

3. Time-out technique

When we are in a situation that causes us stress or anger, it is easy to get carried away and act impulsively. The time-out technique is based on take a short break or temporarily remove yourself from a stressful situation to regain calm. This gives us the opportunity to think before responding.

For example, if when arguing with your partner you notice how the issue escalates, it works to say “I need a moment” and leave the place for a few minutes. This way you make sure you don’t make hurtful comments or act inappropriately. Afterwards, you can return to the conversation in a more constructive way.

4. Mindfulness

He mindfulnessor mindfulness, is an exercise to Be aware of the present moment without judging it. It’s about paying attention to how you feel physically and emotionally, as well as your thoughts, without feeling the need to react immediately.

Relaxation techniques are often used as an anchor in the here and now. You could carry out this strategy when you feel overwhelmed by any setback in life.

Practice daily

We all face times when our emotions seem out of control, and perhaps it is difficult to manage them as we would like. However, with time and enough practice, It is possible to improve this skill and find greater emotional balance.

Although its value for children is often highlighted, self-regulation is a valuable tool for people of all ages. And learning to manage emotionally allows us to make better decisions, take care of our relationships and feel better about ourselves.

The entry What is emotional self-regulation and how is it achieved? was first published in Psycom.Blog.

Source link